ending all ending

oh christ christ i'm seeing signs in the stars again of all imminence and ending all ending the final trumpet sounding from the east as midwinter snow rises again through ivory and finally i fail to understand and though i never wanted to write again i feel i have to turn that wheel i almost managed to step aside and the next cycle will let me go it is now nine hours since suffering and now eleven more to go i am too late alas and there again i still can see back east where suns then set and said goodnight at night when i close my eyes i face the great starry silent void that reminds me of me as a boy when i tried so hard too hard and deadlocked my mind again i almost went away but returned full half knowing now how to open that door with my own hands turning broken keys with sleepless unexperienced accuracy that are but words from a tungsten heart's bright yellow mind behind that door the silent staring universe of bluevoidunknowing insanity i see at night at night that will then follow me at sunrise sometimes but never back home but never make me go oh please oh please what remains to say is this all there is or was or where did it go nihil nihil i will remember how it used to be and i will cast myself down east but though i fear i fear it still i will swallow that whole and watch it grow inside as more and more was never there nor then so frightening those last ticking throes eleven hours still before the final trumpet i have not one single lined up thorrow thought left not even for one second let alone an hour and christ oh christ most certainly not for twelve or eleven except maybe for that lastandfinal one when the remaining two thirds of the starres will be removed from the skys and then are marching sadly to their home i have tried but cannot cannot speak which is relief though maybe just until eleven when two and seven will add up to desire which is again too late alas i have lost it